On being beyond emotionally unstable and falling to pieces

I can't remember the last time i was able to cry full on out loud without a care about who hears me (I've cried but its always silent, you know into my pillow)

Shitty attachment day at work.

Come home happy to have the afternoon to myself or whatever is left of it being home at 5.

The first thing i do when i get home from work is say hi to my dog, its weird but thats just the way it is. 

Today she wasn't there to greet me at the door; I walk in and ask where she is and my mom tells me she's in a coma.

I immediately break down and sit next to her for like an hour talking to her, petting her. My heart longed for a response so bad and i looked into her open eye for some sort of life, Her paws were cold and she was breathing, with difficulty but still breathing.

I ate and the headache brought upon by my tears put me to sleep for about an hour and a half.

Wake up and she isn't there anymore... She's gone forever... No more tail wagging, wake up licks, mailman  barks, no more anything.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how i feel, i don't know what to do with my self.

I love having no one there for me in times like this, i just wanna wake up from this nightmare

I love you Amber forever and always, gone but never forgotten <3