On being beyond emotionally unstable and falling to pieces

I can't remember the last time i was able to cry full on out loud without a care about who hears me (I've cried but its always silent, you know into my pillow)

Shitty attachment day at work.

Come home happy to have the afternoon to myself or whatever is left of it being home at 5.

The first thing i do when i get home from work is say hi to my dog, its weird but thats just the way it is. 

Today she wasn't there to greet me at the door; I walk in and ask where she is and my mom tells me she's in a coma.

I immediately break down and sit next to her for like an hour talking to her, petting her. My heart longed for a response so bad and i looked into her open eye for some sort of life, Her paws were cold and she was breathing, with difficulty but still breathing.

I ate and the headache brought upon by my tears put me to sleep for about an hour and a half.

Wake up and she isn't there anymore... She's gone forever... No more tail wagging, wake up licks, mailman  barks, no more anything.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how i feel, i don't know what to do with my self.

I love having no one there for me in times like this, i just wanna wake up from this nightmare

I love you Amber forever and always, gone but never forgotten <3

...and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand. When everything is made to be broken; I just want you to know who i am..

*Having your dog wake you up in the morning <3
*Having long mermaid hair.
*Making those around you laugh and happy.
*Being loved by random Black babies.

*Having a bad day at work.
*Seeing you coworkers "not boyfriend" surprise her with roses just because... and wishing one day that'll happen to you.

Nobody said it was easy... No one ever said it would be so hard...

Cute stuff!
I worked 9am - 10:40 p.m at BestBuy. It was supposed to be until 4 but since no one wanted to cover this guy's shift i volunteered, besides I'm used to working doubles now and i was having a good day with my attachments.
Went to Boston Market for lunch ? what a waste of money! i should have ordered chinese instead -_- lesson learned.
Ahhh thank my lucky stars and my niceness for starting off the month right with one postpaid broadband. My coworker usually 1. pretends she doesn't speak spanish or 2. wait until someone else helps the person even if the customer is in front of her and i can't deal with the whole ignoring shit. I usually give in and speak to the person first, because i don't wanna be rude and all...Today that scored me a broadband, so its all good!
She asked me about Mike (aka the guy i lost my virginity to) and i was like idk punk ass nigga! haha i haven't talked to him in a long time... 10 mins later she goes to lunch and he shows up? WHAT THE FUCK?!? talk about mind fucking. I can't even imagine what my face was like when i saw him again... its been what like 8 months since he took my shit and left? I'm clearly still affected by the events... Damn I was so shocked, then she came and he was still there so she gave me a look lmao like i thought she saw him before and i was thinking this biatch didn't tell me he was here! but she didn't see him, she was just as mind fucked as i was. No bald head, he looks just as he did when i tried to forget him. He left without saying bye.... what a surprise! Yeah not really.... That is so like him.

Have i ever mentioned how much i love working with my male coworkers? They are so sweet, complimentary and shower me with compliments here and there make me feel like the princess of the dpt :) King of douche bags aka one of my male coworkers still cracks me up with his adult "acne" I seriously need to record this guy saying the shit he says... He's worse than a proactive commercial before they got proactive! Then there's a picture of him so you can get a better picture... Just kidding i posted this on his wall and his friends said it was like him haha i was just messing around!

Now the highlight of my night was messing with my manager. I texted him asking him if the schedule for next week was final and he said yes... Then he asked me when he worked and i tried to mess with him telling him he came in at 6 am tomorrow, then i said he was scheduled to do counts with the new kid; He obviously didn't believe that so i told him the truth but the truth was boring. I took it to a whole new level when i took my other 2 coworkers phones and texted him asking why he had scheduled them to do counts when they had school.
He asked for a picture so i cut out pieces of the schedule and put them back so it looked like he had scheduled 4 people plus himself to do counts the next morning he fell so hard! (Now he knows how devious i can be muahahaha he shall never call me names again)
Thats what he gets for calling me smelly julie and drooly as if i was either of those!
Alright MTV yes i will bring PUNKD back and id love to take over Ashtons role just saying...
13 long hours of work later... I'm procrastinating my whitening strips and my facial wash so i guess ill go get shit done.




Xoxo Julieth

No i don't wanna mess this thing up, no I don't wanna push too far.

I love this song because pandora loves to torture me with it and the feelings it causes!

My kiss is cursed obviously, so no kisses for anyone.

                             

Why do i love frozen yogurt so much ahhhh! I come in peace frozen yogurt gods!

I feel like I'm gaining weight again boo! I'm a mess with no self control when it comes to food.

I will EAT you muahahaha

damn damn damn what i'd do to have you here, i wish you were here.


I really have nothing to say other than i worked 64 hours in total this week! booooyahhhhh 
Is it payday yet? why can't it be friday everyday?
I wanna pay my car off already. 
I wanna get my shit together.
I wanna enlist.
I wanna know what ill turn out like.
I wanna sleep in.
I wanna stop seeing these cute couples on my news feed, because its quite depressing!
I wanna not be scared of guys.
I wanna be swept of my feet.
I wanna please everyone.


I want too much.

Should have known better than trying to let you go cause here we go again

Yesterday was an awesome day!

*Drove 5 hours to go see Demi Lovato in concert with my bestfriend.

*Allowed the wind to play with my hair.

                             

*Had one of those huge turkey legs (i love those things haha)

*Asked some older folks to take a picture of us and they ended up taking videos.

*Went back to the car and took a nap, then woke up with a sunburn.

*Woke up to a missed call from my manager; Called back and he didn't answer. Called back 5 mins later...

He started off the conversation asking me how i thought the interview went. i said good; he said i looked nervous! No shit i felt myself get red and he said he saw it, then i’m like "dammit i had to be white!”

He said we needed to work on everyones interview skills. At this point i’m think shit just tell me i didn’t get it and stop sugar coating it! Then the most glorious words come out and he said we would like you to be a full timer. (insert angels singing voices here) YES YES YES! Took me a whole 11 months to climb up at BestBuy. Now the decision that lies ahead is whether to stay at PinkBerry or not :/ 

I feel like i care so much about my employers and i don’t wanna let anyone down. I work my butt off and it often ends in being screwed over by the company but ill give this 3 job thing a go. If i’m too tired ill give up PinkBerry, sorry David & Jeyson.

*Sat so close to the stage for the Demi Lovato concert, it was beautiful! some bitch told us to put out light up sign down... Demi Lovato saw it and said she loved it! Showed up on the big screen 3 times! my  neck veins were poping out haha from how much i was singing.

*Battled falling asleep behind the wheel, with cold AC and rock music.

Everything seems to be falling into place right now all i’m missing is a relationship and one more thing i have to accomplish hopefully that runs smoothly :X

Oh and i have to go to court for like a week on the case of that guy who beat the woman -_- i wonder how much they pay for your time there.

Xoxo Julieth

I never knew i could feel that much and thats the way i loved you.

Im so exhausted i don’t even know what to do with myself.
I had my full time interview today. At one point i felt tomato red, whenever i feel strongly about something i get nervous and my accent gets heavy, not to mention i probably get really red.
I think the part where i fucked up on was when i was asked if i was going to quit one of my other jobs, if i received the position i said no... I think my manager is worried i’m going to burn out, news flash i am already burned out! but i’m managing! If you couldn’t already tell then ill be fine.
Nonetheless I’m so glad the anxiety about that is finally over or almost over because i wont find out who got the position until friday :x AKA payday, Demi Lovato’s concert and my first official day off in 2 months

Listening to a song then reading the lyrics and realizing its not as sweet as it sounds.
I’m so out of it, sometimes i wonder what language i’m thinking in o_0



kissing in the pouring rain is definitely on my non existing bucket list;  I wonder what its like to feel the rain pouring down on me while i share a lovely kiss with a special someone <3

Oh won't you walk through, And bust in the door, And take me away..Oh no more mistakes.. Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..

"Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud 
And I know that you'll use them however you want to”

I should really be sleeping because i have to be up for work at 6 am yet i have to make sure i’m ready for my 2 pm full time interview. I’m so scared and anxious! I want this but if i don’t get it the world isn’t going to end... luckily i have 2 other jobs to fall back on :D 

I officially owe my mom 2500 :D sooooooo close to paying this car off i can almost taste the sweetness of being debt free! Technically i could pay that but who wants a bank account with a couple of hundreds? not me, it makes me feel limited.

On other news my mom bought my siblings and I macbook pro’s with 3 year warranties! I feel kinda bad she spent so much money on me, when i have money to buy it myself (not that i was going to because my macbook is perfectly fine) but ill find a way to repay her. 

Princess Belle my favorite princess to be EVER! My favorite job to do! I love how my big dress sways back and forth, how girly i feel and imagining i’m a princess at a ball, waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet <3 I am such a girl! 

Dear you, I don’t hate you and its the opposite feeling...

I dont expect you to come back on here to read more and if you do these are the things i was afraid to say, because i don’t want to freak you out or push you away...

We have been friends all along so that isn’t an issue for me... what worries me is what is going to happen in the future? we can stay friends for a little while then what? What if i fall even deeper into this and end up being the one with a broken heart? I’m scared that’s all.

Xoxo Julieth