I never knew i could feel that much and thats the way i loved you.

Im so exhausted i don’t even know what to do with myself.
I had my full time interview today. At one point i felt tomato red, whenever i feel strongly about something i get nervous and my accent gets heavy, not to mention i probably get really red.
I think the part where i fucked up on was when i was asked if i was going to quit one of my other jobs, if i received the position i said no... I think my manager is worried i’m going to burn out, news flash i am already burned out! but i’m managing! If you couldn’t already tell then ill be fine.
Nonetheless I’m so glad the anxiety about that is finally over or almost over because i wont find out who got the position until friday :x AKA payday, Demi Lovato’s concert and my first official day off in 2 months

Listening to a song then reading the lyrics and realizing its not as sweet as it sounds.
I’m so out of it, sometimes i wonder what language i’m thinking in o_0



kissing in the pouring rain is definitely on my non existing bucket list;  I wonder what its like to feel the rain pouring down on me while i share a lovely kiss with a special someone <3

Oh won't you walk through, And bust in the door, And take me away..Oh no more mistakes.. Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..

"Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud 
And I know that you'll use them however you want to”

I should really be sleeping because i have to be up for work at 6 am yet i have to make sure i’m ready for my 2 pm full time interview. I’m so scared and anxious! I want this but if i don’t get it the world isn’t going to end... luckily i have 2 other jobs to fall back on :D 

I officially owe my mom 2500 :D sooooooo close to paying this car off i can almost taste the sweetness of being debt free! Technically i could pay that but who wants a bank account with a couple of hundreds? not me, it makes me feel limited.

On other news my mom bought my siblings and I macbook pro’s with 3 year warranties! I feel kinda bad she spent so much money on me, when i have money to buy it myself (not that i was going to because my macbook is perfectly fine) but ill find a way to repay her. 

Princess Belle my favorite princess to be EVER! My favorite job to do! I love how my big dress sways back and forth, how girly i feel and imagining i’m a princess at a ball, waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet <3 I am such a girl! 

Dear you, I don’t hate you and its the opposite feeling...

I dont expect you to come back on here to read more and if you do these are the things i was afraid to say, because i don’t want to freak you out or push you away...

We have been friends all along so that isn’t an issue for me... what worries me is what is going to happen in the future? we can stay friends for a little while then what? What if i fall even deeper into this and end up being the one with a broken heart? I’m scared that’s all.

Xoxo Julieth

Taking chances/ what the fuck is taking a chance? A “man” what the fuck is that? i’ve sure never met one.

Pretty sure my last post was on Thursday. With that being said I didn't get a single message from mr deployed on that day. I figured his whatever she is, had told him that some girl had messaged her asking shit. I felt really shitty that day i lost my appetite, barely slept and that heartbreak feeling was painful. Friday afternoon he texted me like nothing was wrong,it didn't take long for him to pick up on how different i was acting. He asked if anything was wrong? I said no why would there be anything wrong?

TAURUS Feb, 18, 2012
If a current opportunity or investment possibility is causing you to have doubts or to feel like you need to know more, then by all means take your time before you make a commitment or take things any further. Just because you are feeling apprehensive doesn't necessarily mean that something isn't right. It could just be your sixth sense advising you to be more thorough so that you know precisely what you're getting into. There is more for you to discover before you move forward. Play it safe, but don't stop playing!

I wrote that ^ shit on the 18th FUCK IT!
Today His girlfriend replied... here are the messages...

• February 16

  • Hey this is Alberio’s bestfriend (hes deployed with your boyfriend) i know you dont know me and it might come off as weird, me randomly messaging you. Hes been kind of distant lately and i was wondering if i could get some advice as to how you and your boyfriend keep your relationship together despite the distance? Does he call you or skype or anything like that? Did he do anything special for you on valentines day things like that? i’m just worried he’s holding stuff in you know... I’m terrified of him coming back with ptsd 
• 
  

  5 hours ago

  • Hi Lesly,
    I’m sorry I am just answering your message, I didn’t see it until this morning. It’s definitely not weird that you messaged me. I’m glad that you felt comfortable reaching out to someone who might understand what you are going through. I have had a few army wives and girlfriends do the same and I have reached out to a few myself. Never feel bad or awkward about asking for advice.
    
    I definitely understand that the distance is difficult and painful and most of the time and it’s hard to worry every day, but you’re not alone in that, every military friend, girlfriend and family member is in the same place as you. I find comfort knowing that others are going through the same difficulties as I am.
    
    I don’t know Alberio, but if he is acting distant, I think the best thing you can do is let him know you are going to be there for him if he needs you. If you feel that he is keeping things in, as hard as it might be not to push him to tell you, it really is the best thing. At least that’s what I have found works the best. Always let him know you are here waiting and ready for the time that he is ready or wants to share what he is going through. He most likely won’t tell you what it is that is bothering him but my boyfriend said that he’s glad to know he can share it with me if he needed to.
    
    To answer your question, we have only skyped twice since Matt has been deployed, but I think that is for the best. As much as I love seeing him, it makes it so much harder when he has to sign off, we don’t get to talk on the phone very often either, but when we do it means even more. It’s really hard loving someone so far away, you and I both know that. If you need anything, don’t hesitate or feel weird asking me.
    
    Good luck,
    Jess
    
    p.s. I find this quote very helpful hope you do too 
    “Distance is to love as wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.” -unknown
• 
  

  about an hour ago

  
  

Hi Jessica,

Thank you so much for getting back to me; it means the world to me that you took the time out of your day to reply to this message with so much detail and understanding.

I will take your advice and use it down the road whenever it is necessary and wherever it leads me.

Even though you don’t know me and i personally don’t know you id like to let you know you are one amazing girl (if you didn’t already know that) like the few of us out there. You deserve the best and nothing but the best, NEVER forget that.

Best of luck to you and Sloan .

-Julieth, yes Julieth Lesly’s bestfriend and the person who actually wrote the initial message and this one. I used her facebook with her permission obviously just because.

Getting a reply made me shaky, reading the message sunk my heart. How could anyone be so heartless? 

This world is hopeless i tell you, HOPELESS! maybe one day.

This is what ill send to him tomorrow as soon as he tries to text me: 

"Hey Sloan

Remember back when we had a conversation about your relationship status?

If I recall correctly you gave me your word and I trusted you to be truthful, even though I KNEW you were lying. I somehow managed to get that thought out of my head, simply because I didn't want to believe the circumstances and I had fallen for your sweet words.

That stuff is irrelevant though. I already did my share of grieving and feeling stupid for believing a guy, besides I'm used to getting screwed over. That is why I was acting weird fyi...

Seriously though forget my feelings, I'm just a random girl from the Internet flattered by your words; Think about your wonderful girlfriend. She's a keeper and I've said this before but this time I actually mean it. So beautiful and kind. She doesn't deserve this shit don't be an idiot and screw up something so wonderful and valuable. Not that i would know from experience but i can imagine there is nothing like having a person there for you unconditionally loving you! And I envy you for having that. I know you love her too and the stuff you do for her means the world to her. Let this be your wake up call. I'm not the kind of girl to ruin relationships and I made that very clear the first day, I'm not going to message your girlfriend saying anything that could wreck your relationship (even though i feel like i owe her that much) because that isn't me, to be honest with you I feel really shitty that I ended up caught up in something like this and I'm not sure how to handle it, but I will do my best.

I know you weren't enough of a man to tell me the truth from the start and avoid leading me on. I feel hurt and I don't wish that upon anyone, maybe that's the reason why I won't say anything, nobody else needs to feel hurt. Man up and face me like the little bitch you are.

Other than that I wish you the best.”

I’m just at a complete loss for words, i dont have anything else to say.

xoxo Julieth

How guys think they can outsmart computer savvy women

Dear Mr. Deployed; what kind of asshole would you be considered if you were leading me on this very moment.
When i first confronted you about your facebook relationship status (in a relationship with _____) you said "oh i haven’t been on facebook in a long time, they don’t allow us on over here” When i told you i was trusting you to be telling the truth about being single, you assured me that you had been out of a relationship since the summer. I don’t wanna be the girl that fucks up the other girls fairy tale and most importantly i don’t wanna be the stupid naive girl, who falls for your sweet words and ends up crying herself to sleep.
Then why in the world does it say you accepted friend requests a week ago? yet mine never got approved  ( I cancelled it now) Why is it that your “EX” girlfriend has a picture with a huge teddy bear and flowers? mhm must be cause her who knows what gave it to her or am i just assuming things here?
Enough is enough. I feel really sick to my stomach now. I didn’t want to resort to messaging her (because thats the psycho, jealous thing to do)  but i will from my friends profile  and tomorrow ill hopefully know the truth. Put an end to this madness once and for all and if you were lying i’m not gonna fuck up your relationship, but ill give you a nice little piece of my mind.

This is the trap:

Lesly i was gonna text you but i know its late and your sleeping. So me being the investigator i am and how i cannot let shit go... i went on Matts page and his “ex gf” has a picture with a big ass teddy bear and shit.
so could you be nice enough to message her the following 

                                         (Clearly picked the first guy he added recently who happens to be deployed in the same area, i dont know him though and im really hoping it will work)
Hey this is Alberio’s bestfriend (hes deployed with your boyfriend) i know you dont know me and it might come off as weird, me randomly messaging you. Hes been kind of distant lately and i was wondering if i could get some advice as to how you and your boyfriend keep your relationship together despite the distance? Does he call you or skype or anything like that? Did he do anything special for you on valentines day things like that? i’m just worried he’s holding stuff in you know... I’m terrified of him coming back with ptsd  (So full of shit i am, i can make stories go on and on!)

This is the link to her facebook


If everything matches up, i think i should forget about boys for a while, this is ridiculous! where are all the good men at ? you know the ones who aren’t full of shit! :’( Im a great girl if i do say so myself geez! but something i cant stand are cheaters and liars, those crawl underneath my skin and i itch to get them out.


Xoxo Julieth 

wake up in the morning feeling like...

P Diddy Not!
I started the workout videos ( get ripped in 90 days as seen on TV!)  on monday and this morning my poor little arms, legs and back were killing me, not only that but i only got 6 hours of sleep at the most.
I was supposed to work 9am -12 am but at the yogurt place but they asked who wanted to go home early today and i was the first one out the door, after all i gotta actually pull a 9 am - 12 am shift tomorrow for sure.
I was actually having a Blah day at BestBuy, you know angry at the damn Fraudberry’s (blackberry torches) from ATT and how they don’t have a freaking way of stopping it. I personally don’t give a shit but when it affects my attachment rates, which could influence things such as my 1 year raise and whether i can score that full time position or not its very personal.
The fool i was taking care of with the fraud (who wants 3 blackberry’s and an iphone 3gs all at once with 36 dollar activation fee’s each?) wasn’t a good actor; Man this dude was a little bit nervous asking me too many questions! Shows me his bank account with $12.00 ? Yeah i ball harder than you buddy 3 jobs, 20,000 dollar car (paid cash) and i’m 19 fuck with it you fraud. Nonetheless i figured out a way to make my attachments look good, the rest is whatever.

Now the highlight of my day was when Mr. Deployed texts me saying "Happy valentines day!" followed by a "Hows your day beautiful" and a grand finale of "Will you be my valentine? :)” That last one had me smiling like a damn fool all day!



Xoxo Julieth

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

-On tuesday i went to the courthouse to testify for some fool, all because i wanted to dial 911 and play good samaritan.

-On my way to pick up my Coldplay tickets because it was a 1 hour drive to the freaking radio station, i was speeding and do you know what happens when your lucky like me? you get a fucking ticket. FUCKKKKK i saw those lights and i pulled over immediately. It was my first time getting pulled over and i didn't know what to do; So i kinda did what they yell at you to do in the movies, i put my hands on the wheel and didn't move. You were going 60 when the speed limit is 80 and not only that but your in the HOV lane and you don't have a second passenger, license and registration ? 2 tickets? ahhh he went back to the car, i texted my friend back he said “just act cute!” act cute? ACT CUTE? i just got pulled over and he’s getting my ticket theres no acting cute here i’m fucked!
He came back gave me a warning for the speeding and gave me the ticket for being in the HOV lane. He also said i wasn't getting points on my record, asked where i was going and be careful pulling out. Needless to say i used cruise control all the way home!

-My mommy mailed the paperwork crossing my fingers everything gets approved.

-Dear Gineo you were kind of an asshole the other day when you texted me something which i don't remember at the moment, but it was taking a shot at me personally and ill never forget how that attempt tried to put me down.

-Dear Mr. Deployed you make me simply happy and words cannot describe how badly i want you to come home so we can meet up :) but you were kind of an asshole today too! I’m trying to learn how to not let the shit guys say get to me, because guys are idiots and they don't think about what they are going to say or how its going to affect the other person.

-I have crossed to the dark side finally! i was able to connect my iphone. Not sure if verizon will screw me over and kick me off the employee plan but we will see, anything is better than the samsung fascinate!

-Guess what tomorrow is? You guessed it right! Another single awareness day yay! ill be working 9 am to 12 am soooooooo no time for a valentine anyway mhm not like i wanted one :p jk i want oneeeee but i wont get one.

-Who wants to be my valentine? apply at the comment box HAHA

Xoxo Julieth

Story of my life pt 2

New Years probably 2003 i was on the rooftop crying. I cried because i was tired, scared, sick of feeling unsafe, i wanted to move to the US so badly. I had been here for vacation twice; Once when i was 5 and then when i was 10, so i knew it was safe and beautiful.

Summer 2004 after i finished 6 grade we made the big move and i couldn’t have been happier.

I started school that fall and was put in the ESOL program which is for non english speaking kids, there were hispanics from several places, russians, haitians, etc.

Those 2 years of middle school were best 2 years ever! all we did was play around all day and “learn” 

I will never forget my first day of school, here is that story..

I get on the school bus (because the school is like 30 mins away) all i have is this yellow sticky note with “Salcedo” written on it. When i get to school i’m lost like a puppy, not only that but i spoke no english and the school i went to is a high school/ middle school so the campus is huge!

I remember showing several people the sticky note and saying where? this?

Finally someone pointed me towards the gym, where i met a girl from mexico who was in the same situation as i was and we became bffs.

All the ESOL kids got bullied! americans made fun of our accents and looked at us like we were some kind of shit. I was the coolest kid at the gym locker room the first day because i had a belly ring at 12, back in the day that was kind of a big deal but it didn’t make a difference. 

Xoxo Julieth