Those are my days off, I just started working at Best Buy so the working hours are crazy and almost non existent. I forgot how boring being at home doing nothing can be, it definitely gives me time to think about all the stupid stuff i’m unhappy with and how i should be doing something more meaningful; yet its up to me to use my time productively and i don’t. Agh what am i going to do with myself!? I complained before because i was too overwhelmed with work and now i’m complaining because i’m not working enough, seriously will i ever reach a happy medium? I know its all psychological though, knowing i owe my family almost $10,000 its so frustrating! even though nobody is bugging me about paying them back, i feel like i need to do it now now now, its part of my impatient over achieving nature. I’m so blah i don’t even know what to write about. Some of these feelings are triggered by my uncertainty as to whether i made the right choice by quitting the grocery store job, my mom came home today and told me that everyone at the store say hi and blah blah blah. I just wanna start crying. Why do i feel like i HAVE to help people, like if i let someone down or leave them at a time i feel they might need me, i’m the most horrible person ever. I feel like i NEED to stay at the grocery store because the store director was so nice about everything and asked me to consider staying, i haven’t called or anything so that might have something to do with all the guilt and sadness i’m feeling at this point. I really need to be more selfish, the reality of the matter is not everyone thinks or feels the same way i do. Fuck being a girl and having my period thats another thing that could be messing with my head right now, i’m going to let the tears flow and hope i don’t regret any of the decisions i’ve made.
On a better note yesterday i went to this event at the Eden Roc resort in Miami beach, sponsored by the new Blackberry playbook coming to a store near you tomorrow! It’s a very cool device actually i got to play with it and experience some of its features, unfortunately it costs about as much as a laptop and for someone who makes the amount of money i make, it wouldn’t be a smart investment.
As i was driving home it was dark and i quickly glanced at the scenery from the bridge i was driving through, miami looks beautiful at night; All the buildings lit up over looking the waterfront made me feel like i was passing through a movie scene, in which there was no characters. Oh how i wished i had a significant other to share the lovely view with and relax by the waterfront sigh* one day, one day hopefully that will be the case.
I cant believe its almost my birthday again, i’m going to be 19 in 27 days! Seems like just yesterday i was anxiously waiting to turn 18 get my license and all the freedom that comes with it. That is all just a small blog letting out my latest frustrations and expectations.
Xoxo Julieth
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